Monday Musings 4-6-20

I think a lot about what might be different when we emerge from our forced isolation. I fear many things will be lost, and precious lives top that list. But I also hope some things will be changed for the better. I hope we’ll emerge more patient, more appreciative of the small things, more focused on what really matters. I hope we’ll make choices thoughtfully, and consider how our choices impact those around us. I hope we’ll help support the most vulnerable members of our community. I hope we’ll take better care of our environment. I hope we’ll continue to live simply. I hope we’ll learn to better recognize the difference between our needs and our wants. And, I hope we’ll stand outside in the sun and realize that every day is a gift.

“The more often we see the things around us - even the beautiful and wonderful things - the more they become invisible to us. That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds - even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less.” - Joseph B. Wirthlin

On another note, my alter-ego, Maggie Clare, has a book coming out tomorrow! Sing for Me is the first book in a romantic suspense series I’m publishing under a pen name. If you need a temporary escape, follow the link and have a read! Sing for Me by Maggie Clare

If the romance genre isn’t your jam, no worries. I’m hard at work on a dark urban fantasy featuring a female assassin. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. Stay safe and healthy.

Monday Musings 3-30-20

Birthday season continues in our house! Today is my oldest son’s 27th birthday. All my kids are special, of course, but this one made me a mother. I still remember feeling both overwhelming love and abject terror when I held him for the first time. There is no other moment like it in the world.

This child of mine is sensitive, strong, thoughtful, kind, and responsible. He sometimes worries that he hasn’t figured out his life yet, which has prompted some great conversations between us over the years. We talk a lot about the right balance between planning for the future and living in the moment.

The current world crisis has challenged us to think about this idea very consciously. We’re living in one prolonged moment of pause, while at the same time, we’re trying to envision an uncertain future. We’ve had to simplify our lives, take refuge in our homes, and try to quiet our minds amidst the chaos. When we eventually emerge on the other side, things will have changed in ways none of us can predict. There will be loss. There will be opportunity.

This pandemic will be a defining moment in our lives and in the lives of our children. But I think the next generation will meet the challenges with resiliency, flexible thinking, and earnestness. I trust that they will adapt, and I believe they will make the world better, not worse. My own kids have given me this faith.

Happy birthday, Nick. I’m so proud to be your mom.

Monday Musings 3-23-20

Yesterday was my youngest child’s 16th birthday. She would have been celebrating with her jazz band on a school trip abroad during spring break. Instead we ordered slices of cake from a local restaurant via DoorDash, sang to her, and watched a movie together. Our lovely neighbor dropped off homemade biscotti and chatted with her from across the front lawn. Two of her brothers (one in the Navy and one sheltering in place in California), her grandparents, and my sister’s family all face-timed with her. I think she felt loved.

As young parents with a tribe of kids, my husband and I had to choose early on which things were truly important to teach our children and model for our family. We decided that kindness and personal accountability were those essential things. Watching all four of my children meet this unprecedented challenge, I see them behaving with those qualities.

My daughter is gracious and appreciative. She’s resilient and adaptable. She’s kind, generous, and thoughtful. Not for a moment has she complained. Instead, she’s thinking about how we can help each other in these strange and scary times. I admire her peace, equanimity, and youthful positivity. On her birthday, I consciously focused all my mental energy on appreciating how blessed I am to be her mom. And you know what? Last night, I slept solidly through the night for the first time in a while. Happy birthday, my sweet girl.

Monday Musings 3-16-20

So much has changed in a week. The world feels unfamiliar and scary, and the very things we used to do to comfort each other are now the very things that may put ourselves or our neighbors in danger - personal contact, community gatherings, neighborly visits.

Several years ago, post 911, I wrote an article based on a reflective question that had been posed to my senior class at the Jesuit college I attended. How, then, shall we live? As we navigate this strange new world, I find myself thinking about it once again. It is a question for all ages, as relevant now as it was twenty, fifty, a hundred years ago. How then shall we live in the midst of a global crisis? How then shall we live when the future is uncertain and potentially unrecognizable? How then shall we live when we know that the most vulnerable members of our community will be suffering?

There are no easy answers, partly because we can’t foresee all the possible questions and repercussions yet. So, I’m left with some basic principles on which I try to base both my inner mindset and my outward behavior.

Live simply so others may simply live. I can’t remember where I first heard this little gem, but it feels so relevant right now. If we use what we need, but not more, there will be enough.

Fear is toxic. It’s so easy to become swept up in the chaos, to imagine worst case scenarios, but fear will not positively impact outcome.

This moment is all we are guaranteed. When the future is so murky, we are forced to live in the here and now. We can appreciate a walk with the dog, a dinner with our family, the sunrise over the water.

As we navigate this challenging new world, which may redefine our normal, can we consciously imagine how, then, we shall live?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi

Monday Musings 3-9-20

I’m currently at work on a new novel. I’m at the point where the shine has worn off, and I have to dig in and do the work. I love writing, but even this beloved career feels like a job sometimes. There are good days and bad. Days where I feel terrific about the words on the page, and days I feel like I have no business sitting in front of a keyboard. There are days I feel good - physically and emotionally, and days I feel like crap.

As with so many things in life, I have to make a decision to stick with my work regardless of how I am feeling in the moment. But, I also believe in listening to my gut and my heart. When something feels off, even if I can’t pin it down, I pay attention.

So, how do we decide when we should stick with something - because nothing feels good all the time, or make a change - because we are really on the wrong path? Outside factors play a part of course. We may have made a commitment, have a responsibility to someone else, or simply have no choice in the moment. But when we do have a choice, when we are able choose this path or that one, this project or that one, how do we make a healthy decision? Here are some things I consider…

I don’t make decisions on impulse. Emotions shift. Feelings change. I’ll sleep on it before deciding to take on something new or making any big changes.

I’ll evaluate my mental and physical health. There’s a difference between struggling with something worthwhile and sticking with a situation or relationship that’s become toxic. I need to be honest about which is which and act accordingly.

I consider the long game. No career is build overnight. No skill is learned without putting in the time. If what I’m doing is interesting, satisfying, and is in alignment with my own strengths, I’ll stick with it.

I can make a course correction. Maybe not immediately, but at some point I will have the ability to point my ship in a different direction. Once I internalized this idea, I could consider decisions that didn’t work out the way I intended lessons instead of mistakes.

“We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.” —Stephen Covey

Monday Musings 3-2-20

Most days I am not a worrier. It’s my nature to look on the bright side, to see potential in most situations, to act first with openness, and to not assume things will go badly. But some days, its hard, even for me. The world is a complex, often worrisome place. If I’m not swept up in the outside chaos, I have kids, a husband, friends, all of whom I love, and love makes us vulnerable to worry.

I think the counter measure for allowing worry to hold us hostage is to be present in the moment. It’s easy to stay in the moment, appreciate the little things, show up as a good friend, etc. when things are going well. But, add stress, illness, or, oh, the threat of a global pandemic, and suddenly all the platitudes we recite on our yoga mats can feel hollow if we haven’t really internalized them.

When I’m gripped with worry, or its nastier sibling, fear, I remind myself of these three simple things…

My first gesture anywhere, anytime can always be one of kindness.

Self-care is important during times of stress.

Worry does not influence outcome.

We’re human. We worry. But, that worry doesn’t have to take up permanent residence in our psyche.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” - Corrie Ten Boom

Monday Musings 2-24-20

Anyone who knows me is aware that cold weather is not my favorite. I‘m a sunshine loving, beach going, hot yoga (emphasis on hot) practicing gal. Years ago, when I worked in education, one of my favorite parts of the day was greeting the children outside in the morning and welcoming them to school. Of course, this meant standing outside, for the better part of an hour, in all kinds of weather, including the bitter cold. I’d wake up on those chilly mornings feeling less than enthusiastic and frankly a little grumpy. Then, I read an article about scientists who worked in the arctic, and just how many calories they had to consume in a day to keep their body temperatures normalized. Apparently, the human body burns more calories in the cold! This was life-changing! Or at least, it was what I call frame-shifting.

After this revelation, every time I went outside in the cold to greet the children, or hike with my girlfriends, or even grocery shop, I thought, well, this calorie burning effort has surely earned me an extra cocktail. Frame-shift!

My example may be somewhat silly, but I’ve applied this idea to other things in my life, and it really does work. Not all the time, and not for all of life’s unpleasantries of course, but enough that I try to regularly employ it when I need an attitude adjustment.

“Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.” — Harvey Mackay

In other news…

I’ll be at Richmond Galaxy Con with the Bard’s Tower crew signing books all weekend. If you’re in the area, come say hello!

Monday Musings 2-17-20

I spent the weekend at Boskone, the oldest science fiction and fantasy convention in New England. I love, love, love events like this one. I get to meet fellow fans of the genre, hang out with talented writers and artists, and share my own experience on panels and in workshops. I’ve met folks who’ve become friends, fans, and mentors, and I always learn something new.

At some point or another, I’m usually asked to share my most valuable piece of writing advice. I tell folks that the right advice resonates at the right time. The information I needed several years ago as baby writer is different than the mentoring I look for now as an author who has produced a body of work.

But, when put on the spot, I come back to this little gem - finish something. A half-finished manuscript will never become a book. Further, even if that finished manuscript never gets published, there’s great value in understanding the process of writing it and of seeing it through to completion. There’s great value in learning to write through the sticky middle, to keep at it when the shine has worn off, to understand how to end well.

This bit of wisdom transcends writing. Finish the season. Finishing the degree. Finish the race. Sometimes winning, publishing, or making the Dean’s List isn’t the point - it’s the fact that we got through and learned something valuable along the way. We made it through something challenging. We accomplished something. And now we know we can.

Monday Musings 2-10-20

The other day I was chatting with an artist friend who is running her own business. We talked about the dual character of art and industry, and the sometimes-frustrating nature of trying to make a living off of our work. We acknowledged that more of our success depends on factors outside our control than say a data entry specialist. People have to choose to buy our work, and then they have to like it to ever want to buy more. And that’s only if we’ve gotten our work to market in the first place.

With that in mind, how do artists stay the course? How do we face rejection, bad reviews, lack of sales, and the annoying commentary from family and friends who lament that they too could write a book if only they had time? Good humor helps. But beyond that, I have a few thoughts to share…

I stay true to my passion.

I’ve committed to writing what I love and what I’m good at. For example, YA is hot right now. I love reading YA, but I have no interest in writing it. Would it be a good sales strategy to add some YA to my repertoire? Maybe. But maybe not, because it’s really not my thing, and as a writer, and I have no passion for it. I stick with what I love to write and try to become the best at that.

I’m realistic.

My income from writing doesn’t pay the bills. I’m blessed to be able to do this work full-time because of a supportive spouse and a savings account. Artistic success rarely happens overnight. I have a friend who’s been on the NY Times best-seller list for more than two years straight. She’s been asked about her “overnight” success and laughs at the question. She was in her mid-forties before her first book was published, and by then she had a bunch of previous manuscripts collecting dust in drawers. Being good at something takes time.

I recognize the things I can control.

I’ve internalized the idea that some of my success requires participation from other parties. Therefore, I focus on the things over which I do have control. Attending to those things makes the whole process much less frustrating. I can control my own professional behavior, my commitment to craft, and my understanding of the industry in which I work.

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”– Earl Nightingale

Monday Musings 2-3-20

Usually, I like Mondays. To me, the start of the week feels full of potential. But, I have to admit, Monday mornings in February feel particularly Mondayish, if you know what I mean. The shine of the new year is wearing off, and the enthusiasm for sticking with the goals I’ve set and the projects I have to complete is waning slightly. This is the time for digging in, when I have to call on my will power and good habits to stay the course.

I realize during the dark days of mid-winter just how important healthy habits are to my productivity and well-being. The first, and probably most important habit, is my time management system. I’ve written before about my admittedly OCD method of structuring my days and weeks, but it becomes particularly important that I stick with it when I least feel like it. When I’m feeling uninspired and lethargic, I have a structure in place that keeps me moving forward. Here’s an article I wrote for Inkitt on the subject that you may find useful: 5 Tips for Time Management: A Busy Writer’s Guide.

In case you don’t want to read the whole article, here’s the ‘CliffsNotes’ version:

1. Use a calendar! Start with broad strokes. Define your goals and major deadlines, and then back into the details.

2. Structure your work life to honor your personal rhythms.

3. Leave space for the unexpected. Equally as important, know when to say no.

4. Use the tools available to increase efficiency.

5. Schedule downtime and time for self-care. Put this on the calendar.

This time of year I also try not to over-schedule myself. I know in the fall, I have seemingly boundless energy and enthusiasm, but winter, not so much. I can’t go on a three-month vacation or hide out on a tropical island (those darn books won’t write themselves!), but I can be realistic about how much I can manage.

While most of my tips focus on the writer’s life, the basic principles worked for me when I was managing a whole different career, and when all the kids were little and my day-to-day looked very different. Maybe you’ll find something useful as you navigate February?

Upcoming Events:

Boskone

February 14-16 - New England’s longest running science-fiction convention!

My panel schedule…

Pacing the Novel

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 11:00 - 11:50, Marina 4 (Westin)

It’s crucial to the feel of the novel, but one of the least discussed aspects of fiction. How do you intensify a scene, bringing the reader deep into the narrative — yet still keep the novel moving along? Panelists share techniques for balancing intensity and movement within their work.

Genetic Engineering in SF

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 14:00 - 14:50, Burroughs (Westin)

We have developed the ability to modify and change the genes in plants, animals, and creatures that fall into neither category. To some degree, we have the power to play god, but what are the possible consequences? What is actually possible versus probable? Can we create new species? Can we solve health care problems before conception? Can we grow non-sentient meat like we grow corn? Can we modify humanity to withstand climate change? If the science were only possible, what changes might we make to create a better future for mankind?

Troubleshooting Troublesome Manuscripts

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 15:00 - 15:50, Marina 2 (Westin)

Our intrepid authors come together to share tips and tricks for tackling the most notorious issues that arise when writing and editing their work. Find out how to fix hidden plot holes, dangling loose ends, and the endings that just won't end!

Evolution of Greek Mythology in Contemporary Fantasy

Format: Panel
15 Feb 2020, Saturday 17:00 - 17:50, Marina 4 (Westin)

Some of the first, and most memorable, fantasy stories were born far in the past in a picturesque land bordered by the Ionian, the Aegean, and the Mediterranean Seas. How have these Greek tales filtered down through the ages, leaving their marks upon the annals of literature, and where can we still see the traces of their influence (if not their direct effect) upon modern fantasy and science fiction?

Kaffeeklatsch: Tabitha Lord

Format: Kaffeeklatsch
16 Feb 2020, Sunday 11:00 - 11:50, Galleria - Kaffeeklatsch 1 (Westin)

RICHMOND GALAXY CON

February 28- March 1

I’ll be signing and selling books all weekend at the Bard’s Tower booth.

Monday Musings 1-27-20

My son came home yesterday afternoon shocked and saddened, as I’m sure many of us were by the news yesterday. He asked me why he felt so bad over the loss of someone he didn’t know, someone famous certainly, but a stranger. Here are some thoughts I shared with him.

It’s okay to mourn. They touched our lives, whether because of their artistic talent, their humanitarianism, their leadership qualities, or yes their athletic prowess. They represented an ideal - one that says commitment to excellence matters. They gave us something to strive for, something to admire, or something to simply enjoy. We welcomed them into our hearts and homes. We cheered for them, sang their songs, watched their movies, or admired their passion. And now they are gone, and it hurts.

Does it hurt more than a close personal loss? Of course not. Are these celebrity lives worth more than any other? Of course not. Can we still feel shocked and sad? Of course we can.

When we feel empathy for another family’s tragedy, we do so not only because we can imagine being in their shoes, but because we truly feel sorrow for them. Our ability to hold another’s grief, to walk beside someone in pain, even if it’s from afar or only in our hearts, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful things about being human.

Compassion, empathy, love. They’re what will save us in the end.

“Empathy is a tool for building people into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self-obsessed individuals.” - Neil Gaiman

Monday Musings 1-20-20

Winter is in full swing, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know how I feel about winter! I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t the cold so much as the darkness that brings me down after a while. But regardless, I live in the northeast, so this is part of life.

If you, like me, have to work hard to keep your energy up and your outlook positive during the winter months, remember to take good care of yourself. When it’s dark and cold, my tendency is to let things go that I probably shouldn’t in the self-care department. I don’t feel like working out when it’s still dark in the morning. I want hot chocolate and comfort food pretty much all the time. Sweat pants and a baseball hat seems like a fine wardrobe choice. Instead of fighting these tendencies, I try to incorporate them in a healthy, balanced way. Here are some other things I do:

Get more sleep. I need it and the longer nights promote it. I pretend I'm hibernating. 

Make my work space more pleasant. Candles and twinkle lights. Seriously. They make the darkness, which lasts so much longer now, feel cozy.

More yoga. It's great exercise, I practice with a group, and it's hot. Did I mention it's hot?

Outdoor time. It takes more effort, layers, and proper footwear, but when I take my dog for a hike, or even a walk around the neighborhood, I'm in a better mood afterwards.

Your methods may not be mine, but you get the idea. How can you take care of yourself during the times you feel like it the least?

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” — Audre Lorde

Monday Musings 1-13-20

When we were celebrating the holidays with my sister and family in Folsom this year, we joined them for a Christmas Eve service. The sermon was laugh out loud funny, poignant, and insightful. The priest said his favorite line from the Christmas story was when the angel instructed Joseph to “fear not.” He talked about all the things he feared, including, ironically, public speaking, and he shared how comforting and inspiring this one little line was for him.

At the start of every new year, I feel an exciting sense of potential. Time stretches out before me - time to fulfill the intentions and goals I’ve set for myself, time to spend with my family, time to travel. But, as I grow older, I also feel a twinge of fear. Disaster, tragedy, illness can sneak up out of nowhere. I’ve been around long enough to see it happen. Could this be the year something pulls the rug out from under me? Maybe.

I’m not a deeply religious person. I don’t like the saying “everything happens for a reason.” I think it’s simplistic, and to be honest, sounds really callous to someone who is suffering. But I do believe that in the midst of our life experiences, when fear makes an appearance, we can choose to be present, choose love, choose hope.

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”
— William Allen White

Monday Musings 1-6-20

It’s the first Monday of 2020. Last week, I wrote about the importance of reflection in my habit life, and how I like to use the time leading up to the new year to take stock both personally and professionally. An honest and thorough review of the past year helps guide me into goal setting for the new year.

So, here’s how I approach the next step…

First off, I identify a series of intentions rather than specific goals. I do this in order to leave room for unforeseen opportunities, or because I’m not sure yet how a particular intention might manifest. For example, last year, I recognized that I missed teaching, and I created an intention to bring teaching back into my life. When I set this intention, I wasn’t sure how it would play out, but opportunities came in the form of leading writing workshops, panels, and conference programs. I was also offered a chance to teach a semester of Latin. While this classroom opportunity didn’t directly relate to my writing work, it nourished the teacher in me and I was pleased to accept the offer.

This year, my intention is to get into better physical shape. With each passing year, my body changes, and with it the things I need to do to support it. I have a specific routine I follow, but it hasn’t been quite the right thing for a while now. I’m going to pay more attention this year and really focus on finding what does work.

Sometimes specific goals are needed…

This year I have a new project with aggressive deadlines. Under the pen name Maggie Clare, I’ll be releasing a romantic suspense series. With this comes building the required author platform including website, social media accounts, and promotional work.

Additionally, under my own name, I’m planning to finish the draft of Dreamwalker, a gritty urban fantasy about a female assassin who almost kills an innocent man. Think Jessica Jones meets Dexter.

And finally, I’ll continue to promote the HORIZON series with a full travel and book signing schedule.

Those are my concrete goals, complete with dates and deadlines. I’ll spend the next few days planning and structuring my calendar to accommodate them. I’ll admit to being a bit OCD when it comes to working with my calendar and to-do lists. But, my method keeps me working proactively rather than reactively, and I feel more productive and in charge of my time.

One last thought as you consider setting your intentions and goals for 2020…

Focus on things you can control. I talk about this a lot with regard to writing. There are many things in the writing world I can’t control. I can’t predict how people will react to my work, what kind of reviews they’ll leave, if sales will be robust, if I’ll make it onto a coveted list, or win an award. But I can commit to improving my craft, learning the latest marketing and promotional trends, behaving professionally, and working hard. So, when I make resolutions around my writing life, I stick to things over which I can have an impact.

I hope 2020 brings you peace and joy. Happy New Year!

Monday Musings 12-30-19

It’s that odd week just before the New Year when I can’t keep track of the days, we’re still on vacation, and time seems to be moving in a strangely sluggish manner. I’m caught between reflection and planning anew.

It’s important that I make space to reflect. When I do, it feels like I’m taking a long, deep breath. By honestly evaluating the past year, I’m able to celebrate my successes, review my short-comings, and begin to form and solidify my intentions for the New Year. Certainly, the New Year is an arbitrary date on the calendar, and we can take stock, assess, and change our course if necessary at any time, but working with a particular habit life or personal rhythm has value for me.

So, here are my writerly reflections on 2019…

It’s particularly satisfying to complete a writing project, and this year, I released the final book in my Horizon series. As an author, this milestone feels pretty significant. I’ve also worked with an incredible voice actor to convert all the books to audio, traveled around the country to various Comic Cons and conferences for signings, sold two short stories to podcasts, wrote a consistent post for Monday Musings every week, continued my work as managing editor for Inkitt Writer’s Blog, and started drafting a new urban fantasy. I’ve also started a project under a pen name and completed three novel drafts for that series. More on that next week. All in all, I’m pretty pleased with my productivity in 2019.

Of course, there’s always more I wished I could have accomplished, but I feel like I was as productive as I could be, and at the end of the day (or year as the case may be), that’s really how I measure the success of my work life.

Last year, on my list of intentions, I stated I wanted to find a way to teach more because I missed being in the classroom. This year, I taught six weeks of Latin to middle-schoolers and loved every minute of it! I also moderated several panels at conferences and Cons, which feels similar to teaching in a lot of ways.

Where I fell short professionally was my work for Book Club Babble. As a partner and senior writer, I really should have produced more content. Luckily, this is a great team to work with. When one of us can’t focus on the site for whatever reason, the others pick up the slack. But, I need to make it a higher priority for 2020.

Five years ago, with my husband’s encouragement, I changed the course of my professional career and became a writer. I had no idea what that would mean, how it would look, or in what direction things would go. I was terrified to put my work out there, knowing that so much of this industry meant facing rejection. I stood at the very beginning of a path, understanding that my learning curve would be huge, and took a chance.

Now, at the end of the decade, a decade where I consciously turned the ship, so to speak, I’ve given myself permission to list all my writing accomplishments in one place. Here goes…

THE HORIZON SERIES (winner of seven independent book awards including the Writer’s Digest Grand Prize in 2016)

HORIZON

INFINITY

EQUINOX

SHORT FICTION AND PODCASTS:

Keeper of the Light from HOLDING ON BY OUR FINGERTIPS

Quest Nine - Starship Sofa

Goodbye, Charlie - Tales to Terrify (Episode 404 - last story of the hour)

Homecoming from SIRENS

NON-FICTION:

Inkitt Writer’s Blog

Book Club Babble

Project 3.8 - collected interviews of children and families dealing with pediatric cancer

If you’re reading this blog, you’ve chosen to engage with me and my creative work, and I am both humbled and grateful for your support. I write because the stories in my head are clamoring to get out, but I also write to share them with you, hoping you’ll find yourself lost in a tale or moved in some way. Reflecting on this year, and on my writing career as a whole, leaves me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I am so grateful to be able to pursue this art, and I am so grateful to be able to share it with all of you.

Wishing you all a very happy New Year!

Monday Musings 12-23-19

I’m writing this from my hotel room in Folsom, CA, where we’ll be spending Christmas at my sister’s house. This is the first Christmas in 26 years that we won’t be in our own home for the holiday. When my kids were little, that was my one uncompromising requirement - they would wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning and celebrate in our home. We’d travel for other holidays sometimes, but Christmas was non-negotiable. We’d host anyone who wanted to come, and for all these years, they did.

Well, the kids are all mostly grown-up now, and they’ve had a childhood full of Christmas memories, just as I’d hoped. With my sister and two of my boys now living on the west coast, it felt like the right time to try something different.

Last night, my husband and I sat at the hotel bar with all the kids and laughed for nearly the entire time, until they basically closed the place up around us. As parents, we often look back and think about what we could have done differently, how we may have handled something better, how we might have failed our kids in some way or another. But last night, sitting together watching the love my kids have for one another, I am sure we did something very right.

Wishing you and your family love and joy this holiday season.

Monday Musings 12-16-19

There are many wonderful things about working in the modern era – quick communication, the ability to connect with people all over the world anytime, a more flexible work life for some of us. The down-side, at least for me, is never shutting down completely. I can get emails on the weekends and in the evenings. I can work off my laptop from an airplane, a hotel room, or my bed. This is both freeing and exhausting.

Every job comes with some vacation time as part of the deal, though. We all recognize the need to step away and make time for activities outside our professional life. But when I’m writing, I’m often in the zone, so to speak, and I don’t actually want to shut down. For me, some parts of the writing process are rejuvenating and nourishing, and the thought of stepping away completely is stressful. 

I’ve come to recognize that taking a break for me, and maybe most artists, might look and feel a little different than taking a vacation from other jobs. So, instead of trying to turn off my creativity, I ask myself what I need to feel refreshed. Maybe it is a few days away unplugged with no thought to deadlines, edits, or my work in progress, but usually not.

When I’m taking a vacation, it’s a pleasure to find writing time by the pool in the morning, or out on the deck with a glass of wine in the afternoon, or in a hotel bar at off hours. I may be fueling the drunk writer stereotype, but, really, the change of scenery feeds my imagination! The long days, with only the sunshine and a story swirling in my head, feel luxurious. I want to write. It’s joyful under these conditions.  

To me, taking a break really means finding a way to refresh and rejuvenate, and there’s no right way to do that, only the way that works for each of us. I hope you all find a way to recharge this holiday season!

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort. ” – Deborah Day

Monday Musings 12-9-19

I’ve been reflecting a bit on two seemingly opposite life philosophies. On the one hand, I’ve come to appreciate the long game - this idea that Rome wasn’t built in a day so to speak. A perspective that we can take time to deeply engage with something, whether that’s our career or our art. Parenting provided me with the ultimate long game perspective. I’m literally watching and guiding other human beings while they take decades to grow into themselves!

Years ago, when I was still in medical school trying to juggle parenting, studies, managing a home, and trying to pay some attention to my husband, a wise mentor suggested that yes, I could likely achieve all my goals if I stuck with them, but I certainly didn’t have to take them on all at once.

We complain about the lack of time we have, how busy we are, and how time flies, and this can certainly feel true. But what if we turn that sentiment on its head and instead consider that we do have time - if we’re willing to look at things from a long game perspective. I’ve had to do this in my relatively new career as a writer. One book, one blog post, one project does not make a writing career. I have to play the long game, and, in a way, it’s a relief. I don’t have to accomplish everything all at once. The long game view allows us time to grow, evolve, and even change our minds. It provides an opportunity to gain perspective and create something meaningful over time.

On the other hand, we have to live in the moment because this moment is the only one we are guaranteed. If we’re always looking to the future, if we don’t attend to the things and people that are truly a priority right now, we might miss out on something important.

I find when I am centered by gratitude, I’m anchored in the moment. When I appreciate the people I am with or the experience I am having right now, I’m not focused on the future. I am not thinking about the things I haven’t accomplished yet. I’m not critical of myself or of anyone else.

Some days, the long game perspective serves us well. Other days, we need to keep our head in the here and now. I think it’s a worthwhile to find balance between the two.

On another note…

I’ll be with Mike Squatrito and Heather Rigney at Ink Fish on Main Street in Warren, RI Saturday, December 14th from 1-3 pm. Signed books make great holiday gifts! Stop in and say hello.

Monday Musings 12-02-19

It’s December already! Here in New England we have that interesting “wintery mix” going on outside. But my house is decorated, complete with lots of white twinkling lights and candles, the coffee is on, and I’m wearing my snuggly rabbit slippers, so I actually feel quite cozy. As I mentioned in last week’s post, I have a whole list of things I have to do to manage my mood during the winter months and hectic holiday season. I wrote a more extensive post for the Inkitt Writer’s Blog about this. You can check it out here: Mind Your Mental Health.

Right now, I am focused on dividing up the to-do list so I don’t get completely overwhelmed with tasks that should be enjoyable but instead can stress me out if I’m not careful. This week cookie baking is on the agenda! I’ve been participating in a neighborhood cookie swap for the last decade and we’ve turned it into a good-spirited competition. This year I’m enlisting my daughter’s help - she’s got mad frosting skills - in hopes of taking away the grand prize.

So, the fact that I’ve been doing this fun thing with my neighbors for over a DECADE really gives me pause. How did the time pass so quickly? But instead of focusing on how old that makes me feel, I’m choosing instead to feel blessed. It’s a gift to have had these friends in my life for so long. It’s a gift to have events I look forward to as part of celebrating the season. It’s a gift that as a family, we have traditions we enjoy, or even laugh about, like watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” and the kids quoting nearly every line.

“Remember this. Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.”

On another note…

Join me and dozens of other local authors for the 7th Annual RI Author Expo. Signed books make great holiday gifts!

When: Saturday December 7th, from 10 am to 4:30 pm

Where: Rhodes on the Pawtuxet, 60 Rhodes Place, Cranston, RI

I’ll be moderating this fun panel at 2:00 pm:

A Hero, an Anti-hero, and a Villain Walk into a Bar…

Your main cast of characters should be well-developed and multi-faceted. Each one has a journey and a backstory. Let’s break down character archetypes, and explore ways to bring depth and complexity to these fictional personalities. Join this lively conversation as we examine existing pop-culture heroes, anti-heroes, and villains, and discuss ways to breathe life into our own characters.

And finally…

If you’re looking for a new science fiction or fantasy read, check out these titles from the New England Speculative Writers. They are discounted for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! HORIZON is on the list, so if you’ve been meaning to read it, now is your chance! Sale runs through December 5th. Sci-Fi/Fantasy Black Friday $.99 Deal

Monday Musings 11-25-19

The holidays are fast approaching and my to-do list is about to become unmanageable. There’s shopping, and cleaning, and cooking, and house guests…

I love the holidays, though, and I don’t want to get completely bogged down with chores and errands and stress. So, every year around this time, I tell myself the season doesn’t have to be exhausting, and I make a list (because lists are a thing for me) of go-to reminders to help me chill. Maybe you need these reminders too?

Simplify. Not everything is urgent. Some things really can wait. Edit the to-do list. The non-essentials will be there when the hectic holiday season is over.

Do a manageable amount every day. I’ve mentioned many times on this blog that I may have an OCD-level organizational system. But, when I take the time to use my calendar and plan ahead, I feel in control of my time. I’m proactive instead of reactive. This time of year, it’s especially important. It’s also important that I’m realistic. I simplify first, and then try to tackle a little something every day.

Ask for help. This is probably a hard one for most of us, but other people can contribute. I host most holidays, but the guests bring nearly all the food. My husband and I make our shopping list together and then divide it up. The kids all pitch in to catch up on laundry, get the guest rooms ready, etc.

Focus on experiences, not stuff. Years ago, we made a decision in our house not to go crazy with Christmas gifts for our kids. We decided they’d each receive three thoughtful gifts. Instead of focusing on one day of opening presents, we tried to create a season of experiences and memories for our family. Cookie baking day, tree trimming, attending A Christmas Carol, watching It’s a Wonderful Life the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have a whole list of traditions associated with the holidays that have nothing to do with shopping or presents. This approach creates a season of things we look forward to rather than a couple of days we need to stress out about.

I remind myself to enjoy the small moments, especially as my kids get older and we aren’t in the same place together very often. It is a busy time of year, but, it’s special too. I try not to lose sight of that.

Happy Thanksgiving!