Monday Musings 12-21-20

The end of 2020 is almost here, and most of us are really looking forward to turning the page on our calendars! The human race has collectively had a rough go of it in 2020. Every year, most of us look back and take stock, maybe reassess, and then set our intentions for the coming year. For me, the new year usually represents all kinds of potential. I like to stand in the beginning of it and imagine all I can accomplish in the coming months. But this year, it feels more like a celebration of endings.

My different mindset this year got me thinking about endings, and the fact that sometimes we aren’t aware that we’ve just experienced something for the last time, or said goodbye to someone for the last time. This has happened often in my life, especially with regards to raising children. I don’t know the exact last time we read a bedtime story, only that one day, it wasn’t part of our bedtime routine anymore. I can’t recall the last time I pushed a little body on a swing, or buckled someone into a carseat. These things just ended, quietly and without fanfare.

My third son is a senior in high school. He was an multi-season athlete and sang in the high school choir. I’ll admit, sometimes I didn’t feel like attending one more concert or one more sports award ceremony, but without realizing it, I’d already attended the last one. The pandemic didn’t allow for all the ‘last things’ we’d planned on.

Last year, Ray and I were together with all our children for the holidays. This year, we won’t be. Hopefully, we’ll have them all together again in the near future, but most of the kids are adults now, with their own lives and schedules, so we really don’t know when it will be. Last Christmas, we had no idea that it might literally be years before we’d all be together again.

Many things during this strange timeline have only taken a hiatus, they aren’t over for good. I fully expect to attend a live concert, travel for book signings, visit family, and celebrate special occasions together with my children again. But living through this pandemic has made me pause and consider how I might approach an experience differently if I knew it was the last time.

Maybe there is a gift buried amidst the angst and loss we’ve collectively endured this year. Maybe we will savor the sweetness of simple things. Maybe we will love more unreservedly. Maybe, because we’ve deeply felt how fragile life can be, we will live more fully in each moment.

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne

Wishing you all happy holidays, and a new year filled with hope, joy, and love.

Monday Musings 11-16-20

The dark days of winter are quickly approaching, and this year, with more lockdowns on the horizon, I’m feeling a low grade sense of panic set in. I already struggle to keep from circling the drain mental-health wise in the winter, and with the added stress of the pandemic, I’m going to have to call on all the tricks in my book to get through the season.

So, what are those tricks? Most importantly, I pay attention to self-care. During the winter, my tendency is to let things go that I probably shouldn’t in the self-care department. I don’t feel like working out when it’s still dark in the morning. I want hot chocolate and comfort food pretty much all the time. Sweat pants and a baseball hat seems like a fine wardrobe choice. Instead of fighting these tendencies, I try to incorporate them in a healthy, balanced way. Here are a few specific things I try to do:

• Get more sleep. I need it and the longer nights promote it. I pretend I'm hibernating. 

• Make my work space more pleasant. Candles and twinkle lights. Seriously. They make the darkness, which lasts so much longer now, feel cozy.

• More yoga, less gym. I don't stress myself about getting in a hard core workout a certain number of times per week in the winter. Rather, I commit to more hot yoga. It's great exercise, it’s good for tight winter muscles, and it's hot. Did I mention it's hot? Even if the studio I attend has to close down, I have a place in my house ready to go, complete with space heaters and candles.

• Outdoor time. It takes more effort, layers, and proper footwear, but when I can take a hike in the woods, or even take a walk around the neighborhood, I'm in a better mood afterwards.

Hopefully, there is a light at the end of this pandemic tunnel, with a vaccine on the horizon. But, it is still a long, daunting tunnel to traverse before we get to the other side. Before the season really takes hold, it may be a good time to think ahead about how you’ll manage it. Your self-care methods may not be mine, but you get the idea. Feel free to share what works for you!

In other news…

Save the date! The RI Author Expo is going virtual this year. On December 5 from 10 am - 4 pm, we will have a fantastic line-up of FREE panels, programs, and virtual author meet and greets. We’re using the Grenadine platform and it would be best to register ahead of time so you can plan your day. On the day of the event, live links will be available for every program. Check it out here: RI Virtual Expo. Click the blue button on the top navigation bar to register for the event.

Here’s my schedule for the day:

• Tabitha’s Kaffeeklatsch (meet and greet) 10:00 - 10:45 am

• Not Your Mama’s Romance (panel) - 11:00 - 11:45 am

• Kick Your Scene into Action (presentation) 12:00 - 12:45 pm

• So, You Want to Write a Series? (panel) 2:00 - 2:45 pm

• A Hero, an Anti-hero, and a Villain Walk into a Bar… (panel) 3:00 - 3:45 pm

Hope to see you there!

Monday Musings 6-29-20

In addition to fiction writing, I’m also the managing editor for a writer’s blog. Last week, I asked each of the bloggers, myself included, to write about their plans for the summer. How were they approaching their projects in light of Covid? How were they making up for the in-person events they would normally attend? How were they planning to refill their creative wells?

Their responses were varied, but there were a few things I noticed in common. Everyone was planning to look for new opportunities to connect. Everyone felt like they could actually write something this summer, as opposed to the beginning of the pandemic when most of us felt shell-shocked. Everyone was trying to adapt their own habits to meet this new reality.

There was also an underlying tone of uncertainty in our articles. None of us know what this pandemic means for us long term - personally, professionally, emotionally. We’re keeping the fear at bay by pushing forward, finding new ways to work, adapting. But, the fear is still there. Most of the photos we chose to go with our posts last week were a bit dark and ominous, even if the writing was mostly upbeat.

The sun is shining. We are attempting to find our equilibrium in these uncertain times. We’re thinking creatively. But the fear is still there. Or maybe we can reverse that sentiment. The fear is still there, but we are bravely attempting to navigate through it.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
— Nelson Mandela

Monday Musings 5-4-20

Being a writer, I sometimes fixate on a particular word that I find interesting, useful, or simply nice to look at. These last few weeks, my word of choice is equanimity. The definition reads: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As May begins and we are now months into this unprecedented global pandemic with all its horrid side-effects, I find I’m constantly striving for equanimity.

There are times when it’s easy to maintain balance and inner peace, and times when it is much, much harder. In the midst of grief or stress or, say, a global pandemic, it may take all our mental energy just to make it through the day. While we may not be in a state of equanimity right now, we do have tools in our kit to help us realign. I’ve been doing simple, small things like a short yoga practice in the morning, an afternoon walk around the neighborhood, a cup of tea on my porch. Some days, I feel really good. Other days, not so much.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that my mental health needs care and attention just like my physical health. As I strive for equanimity, I recognize that it isn’t a goal as much as it is an ongoing activity.

“Equanimity is calamity’s medicine.” - Publilius Syrus

Monday Musings 3-30-20

Birthday season continues in our house! Today is my oldest son’s 27th birthday. All my kids are special, of course, but this one made me a mother. I still remember feeling both overwhelming love and abject terror when I held him for the first time. There is no other moment like it in the world.

This child of mine is sensitive, strong, thoughtful, kind, and responsible. He sometimes worries that he hasn’t figured out his life yet, which has prompted some great conversations between us over the years. We talk a lot about the right balance between planning for the future and living in the moment.

The current world crisis has challenged us to think about this idea very consciously. We’re living in one prolonged moment of pause, while at the same time, we’re trying to envision an uncertain future. We’ve had to simplify our lives, take refuge in our homes, and try to quiet our minds amidst the chaos. When we eventually emerge on the other side, things will have changed in ways none of us can predict. There will be loss. There will be opportunity.

This pandemic will be a defining moment in our lives and in the lives of our children. But I think the next generation will meet the challenges with resiliency, flexible thinking, and earnestness. I trust that they will adapt, and I believe they will make the world better, not worse. My own kids have given me this faith.

Happy birthday, Nick. I’m so proud to be your mom.