Monday Musings 11-15-21

Life interrupted. We’ve all experienced it. Whether its’s something quick but annoying like a flat tire on the way to a meeting or a more serious, distressing issue like an illness, we have to adjust because the world doesn’t stop moving. I’ve had some recent experience with this, and here are my thoughts on how to deal as best we can.

Take a breath. Really. If life just got upended with something large or small, give yourself a moment to process. We are all entitled to the mess of feelings that comes when we’re hit with the unexpected. You will recalibrate, but it might take a little time. Give yourself that time.

Prioritize. The world does, in fact, keep on spinning despite our own personal stressors. Work needs attention, laundry washed, meals cooked. The business of day to day living can actually provide good balance if we find ourselves stuck in the muck. But, we probably don’t have the capacity for everything we normally would, so prioritize the to-do list. Accomplish the necessary things, and save the rest. They’re not going anywhere.

Be gentle with yourself. Offer yourself the same kindness and care you would if it were a friend struggling with something. You’d encourage them to take a walk in the sunshine, sit with a cup of tea and decompress, go to that yoga class. It’s harder to do it for ourselves, but we’ll be better for it.

Seek out the joy. To risk sounding cliche, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Not for any of us. But, even when our hearts are heavy, we can find moments of joy. Life is messy. There’s no way around it. Still, there is friendship, peace, laughter, and love in the here and now if we orient ourselves toward it.

“He had learned the rare secret that you must take happiness when you find it - that there is no use in marking the place and coming back to it at a more convenient season, because it will not be there then.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Chronicles of Avonlea

Monday Musings 11-16-20

The dark days of winter are quickly approaching, and this year, with more lockdowns on the horizon, I’m feeling a low grade sense of panic set in. I already struggle to keep from circling the drain mental-health wise in the winter, and with the added stress of the pandemic, I’m going to have to call on all the tricks in my book to get through the season.

So, what are those tricks? Most importantly, I pay attention to self-care. During the winter, my tendency is to let things go that I probably shouldn’t in the self-care department. I don’t feel like working out when it’s still dark in the morning. I want hot chocolate and comfort food pretty much all the time. Sweat pants and a baseball hat seems like a fine wardrobe choice. Instead of fighting these tendencies, I try to incorporate them in a healthy, balanced way. Here are a few specific things I try to do:

• Get more sleep. I need it and the longer nights promote it. I pretend I'm hibernating. 

• Make my work space more pleasant. Candles and twinkle lights. Seriously. They make the darkness, which lasts so much longer now, feel cozy.

• More yoga, less gym. I don't stress myself about getting in a hard core workout a certain number of times per week in the winter. Rather, I commit to more hot yoga. It's great exercise, it’s good for tight winter muscles, and it's hot. Did I mention it's hot? Even if the studio I attend has to close down, I have a place in my house ready to go, complete with space heaters and candles.

• Outdoor time. It takes more effort, layers, and proper footwear, but when I can take a hike in the woods, or even take a walk around the neighborhood, I'm in a better mood afterwards.

Hopefully, there is a light at the end of this pandemic tunnel, with a vaccine on the horizon. But, it is still a long, daunting tunnel to traverse before we get to the other side. Before the season really takes hold, it may be a good time to think ahead about how you’ll manage it. Your self-care methods may not be mine, but you get the idea. Feel free to share what works for you!

In other news…

Save the date! The RI Author Expo is going virtual this year. On December 5 from 10 am - 4 pm, we will have a fantastic line-up of FREE panels, programs, and virtual author meet and greets. We’re using the Grenadine platform and it would be best to register ahead of time so you can plan your day. On the day of the event, live links will be available for every program. Check it out here: RI Virtual Expo. Click the blue button on the top navigation bar to register for the event.

Here’s my schedule for the day:

• Tabitha’s Kaffeeklatsch (meet and greet) 10:00 - 10:45 am

• Not Your Mama’s Romance (panel) - 11:00 - 11:45 am

• Kick Your Scene into Action (presentation) 12:00 - 12:45 pm

• So, You Want to Write a Series? (panel) 2:00 - 2:45 pm

• A Hero, an Anti-hero, and a Villain Walk into a Bar… (panel) 3:00 - 3:45 pm

Hope to see you there!

Monday Musings 5-4-20

Being a writer, I sometimes fixate on a particular word that I find interesting, useful, or simply nice to look at. These last few weeks, my word of choice is equanimity. The definition reads: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As May begins and we are now months into this unprecedented global pandemic with all its horrid side-effects, I find I’m constantly striving for equanimity.

There are times when it’s easy to maintain balance and inner peace, and times when it is much, much harder. In the midst of grief or stress or, say, a global pandemic, it may take all our mental energy just to make it through the day. While we may not be in a state of equanimity right now, we do have tools in our kit to help us realign. I’ve been doing simple, small things like a short yoga practice in the morning, an afternoon walk around the neighborhood, a cup of tea on my porch. Some days, I feel really good. Other days, not so much.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that my mental health needs care and attention just like my physical health. As I strive for equanimity, I recognize that it isn’t a goal as much as it is an ongoing activity.

“Equanimity is calamity’s medicine.” - Publilius Syrus

Monday Musings 1-20-20

Winter is in full swing, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know how I feel about winter! I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t the cold so much as the darkness that brings me down after a while. But regardless, I live in the northeast, so this is part of life.

If you, like me, have to work hard to keep your energy up and your outlook positive during the winter months, remember to take good care of yourself. When it’s dark and cold, my tendency is to let things go that I probably shouldn’t in the self-care department. I don’t feel like working out when it’s still dark in the morning. I want hot chocolate and comfort food pretty much all the time. Sweat pants and a baseball hat seems like a fine wardrobe choice. Instead of fighting these tendencies, I try to incorporate them in a healthy, balanced way. Here are some other things I do:

Get more sleep. I need it and the longer nights promote it. I pretend I'm hibernating. 

Make my work space more pleasant. Candles and twinkle lights. Seriously. They make the darkness, which lasts so much longer now, feel cozy.

More yoga. It's great exercise, I practice with a group, and it's hot. Did I mention it's hot?

Outdoor time. It takes more effort, layers, and proper footwear, but when I take my dog for a hike, or even a walk around the neighborhood, I'm in a better mood afterwards.

Your methods may not be mine, but you get the idea. How can you take care of yourself during the times you feel like it the least?

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” — Audre Lorde

Monday Musings 11-18-19

It’s a gray November morning here in the northeast. The days are short, the sky is dark, and it’s cold. Winter is definitely coming! Those of you who know me, or have followed my blogs for a while, know that winter is my least favorite month. I’ve learned that although I don’t really like the cold, it’s the lack of light that really messes with me. Coupled with the fact that I work from home, where I often spend hours alone and can easily convince myself pajamas are fine for all-day wear, it’s a slippery slope from cozy hibernation to something a little darker.

As the season jumps into full swing, I have to take charge of my mental health in a very active way. My general disposition is positive, and I’m usually energetic and upbeat. During the dark days of winter, not so much. But, over the years, I’ve learned the most important thing I can do when I’m not feeling my best is to be gentle with myself.

There are times when we need to power through, like during a good workout when we know we can go for a few more reps or dig for that last burst of speed. Sometimes, though, we deserve a kinder approach, or a softer motivation. Sometimes, self-care needs to be our priority. If we recognize our own rhythms and work with them, we may find equilibrium more quickly, and the dark days may not seem quite as long.

“When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.” -Benjamin Franklin

Monday Musings 11-4-19

Usually, after a Comic Con or event weekend, I try to take a day off to recover. Today, I can’t, so I’ve got to power through and do my best. I’ve been thinking a little about what that means - doing my best. Over time, my relationship to that so-called motivational saying has changed. It used to feel like a lot of pressure, like I had to show up at the top of my game everywhere, all the time - in school, at work, as a parent. But, if I reframe my understanding of the idea, doing my best can feel like self-care, or at least like a realistic, healthy approach to where I’m at in the moment.

Today, my best means paring down my schedule to the absolute essentials. It means giving up on the idea of getting to the gym. It means asking for help to off load some of my errands. Other days, my best looks really different. When I’m feeling good, I get a lot done, from the laundry, to meeting my daily word count, to a workout, to blasting through my to-do list.

I think what I’ve come to understand is that doing my best should feel nurturing and satisfying, not stressful - whatever that means on any given day.

“Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” - Don Miguel Ruiz

I’ll be at the Tapped Apple tonight at 6:30 pm with author Mike Squatrito reading and signing books. They’ve got great apple wine and hard cider, so if you’re local, come on down!

Monday Musings 10-21-19

This weekend my husband was away, the kids had full social calendars, and I found myself all alone for most of the weekend. I purposefully kept my to-do list at a minimum. Not that I didn’t miss my family, but the weekend was, well, fabulous. I had so much TIME. I leisurely worked on a writing project. I read a book. I binged watched Netflix. I cleaned my coat closet and organized my drawers. I know, that doesn’t sound like fun, but trust me, when you have organizational OCD, it was bliss.

As I look ahead toward a full calendar of company, book events, and holiday plans, I’m reminded how much I need a few days, or even hours, that haven’t been pre-scheduled with activity. I’m not the kind of person who can sit still for long, but opening up some free space is still so very necessary. We all need to recharge, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it!

Having said all that, here’s my book signing schedule leading up to the Holidays. LOL! I’ll send more detailed info closer to each one.

NOVEMBER 1-3 - Rhode Island Comic Con

NOVEMBER 4 at 6:30 pm - Signing at the Tapped Apple (rescheduled from 10/17)

NOVEMBER 17 - Books and Beer, Signing at Canned Heat

DECEMBER 7 - The RI Author Expo

DECEMBER 14 - Signing at Inkfish Books

Hope to see you at one of these!