Monday Musings 8-15-22

At the end of this week our last child will leave for college, and just like that, we’ll get to call ourselves ‘empty nesters!’ As this is kid number four, we’ve gotten pretty good at guiding them into the next phase of their lives. This move-out feels a little different, of course, since she is the last one.

On the one hand, watching all the kids take this next step has been so exciting, mostly because they’re so excited. On the other hand, our family dynamic is changing once again. We’ve loved our parenting journey and can’t believe we now have four adult children, and we’re also looking forward to the next phase in our life as a couple. We’ve made some big plans!

As our daughter sorts, organizes, and packs, Ray and I are doing the same on a grander scale. The water damage and reconstruction projects in our house have accelerated our own move-out timeline. Since we have to do the work anyway, we’re just not going to move any of it back in. You can probably imagine how much work this is, with some of it completely unexpected. Add a robust travel and book signing schedule and you have a slightly stressed mama.

My remedy for the overwhelm is to become super organized, with lists and sub-lists, and spreadsheets detailing what needs to happen and when. We’re trying to accomplish one project per day in an order that makes sense. When I break it down, I know it will all get done, but still, it’s a lot! I’ve been trying to keep Timber’s words in mind…

“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” – Timber Hawkeye

IN OTHER NEWS…

• I’ve already been to Tampa Bay Comic Con and Boston Fan Expo this summer, and I sold out my inventory of books at both! It feels good to interact with readers and fans again. If we met at one of these events, thank you so much for your support and I hope you enjoy my stories!

• I’m heading to Chicago World Con from Sept-1-5. My days will be jam packed with programs, panels, and readings. I’ll post my full schedule on my social media channels and on Monday Musings before the big event.

• I’ll be at the Big E on Friday, September 30th signing all day. Look for me at the ‘book nook’ in the Rhode Island building.

Monday Musings 10-18-21

I’m currently on the west coast, sitting by the pool at the marina as I write this. My last child is a senior in high school, and we spent the week out here doing a college tour. All three of my older boys and my baby sister live in California now, so, from an ease of visiting perspective, we’re hoping kid #4 might choose a school nearby.

Regardless, I love so much about the SoCal vibe, from the weather, to the quirkiness of Hollywood, to the energy of downtown LA, to the sunsets over the Pacific. I’m soaking up a much sun as I can in preparation for the long New England winter!

Speaking of winter, I have a few events that I’m really looking forward to in the coming months. If you are in the area, please stop in and say hello!

First up, Rhode Island Comic Con from November 5-7. I’ll be there all weekend signing books. Here’s my panel schedule:

World Building: Mind Your Myths and Backstory - Saturday, November 6 at 11 am in Room 551

There’s much to consider when constructing a mythical, magical, or futuristic world, and one important factor is the foundation myth or backstory. What does the writer need to know? What does the reader need to know? When do they need to know it? How does the backstory impact the characters and the current events on their world? Join us for a discussion on how to effectively craft a backstory and weave it into your tale. Panel hosted by the Association of RI Authors.

Writing the Other: Creating Characters Outside Your Comfort Zone - Sunday, November 7 at 12:15 pm

Writing characters from different backgrounds than our own is both a challenge and an opportunity for authors. In this panel, we will explore the tools needed to write outside our own experiences to create three-dimensional characters. Topics will include the importance of research, the role of sensitivity readers, and avoiding harmful stereotypes. Panel hosted by the Association of RI Authors.

Then, I’ll be at the annual RI Author Expo on Saturday, December 11th. Signed books make great holiday gifts, and our Expo features many talented local authors. The program and panel schedule will be coming soon!

In other news…

Since we’re coming up on Halloween, I’m going to include links to a couple of short horror stories I wrote, which have been produced by Tales to Terrify, a really awesome podcast, and are available on audio. For both, my stories are the second feature on the show. Have a listen!

Lady in Blue - story begins at 16:39

Goodbye, Charlie - story begins at 18:40

Finally, the photos below are from Marina Del Rey in SoCal and a wooded bridge on the UC Santa Cruz campus. So pretty!

Monday Musings 8-30-21

It’s another month with five Mondays, which means I get to write a cross-over blog for Monday Musings and Dear Maggie!

Although summer doesn’t officially end until September 22nd, this week feels like the transition to fall, at least in our house. We’ve just returned from dropping kid #3 off at college on the west coast, and kid #4 begins her senior year of high school tomorrow. While this isn’t our first rodeo moving a kid into school, we’ve always come back to a full house and business as usual with the younger kids still at home. But with our youngest a very independent senior, the house is quiet in a way it’s never been before.

In a previous blog, which you can read here, I talked about experiencing two very different emotions at the same time. Accepting that opposite feelings could co-exist, or that I could easily slip from one to the other, helped me navigate a particularly challenging time for our family.

Now, I regularly fluctuate between nostalgia and excitement. On the one hand, I can’t believe our time as parents of young children is nearly up. On the other hand, I am so excited about this next phase in our life. My husband and I have worked hard to create a marriage that’s satisfying to us as individuals and as a couple, and is about more than raising kids together. We love where we are, and we miss our kids at the same time. The idea that we can experience both things simultaneously validates each.

As our children enter the next phase of their lives, we have found a new joy in watching them pursue their dreams, discover their passions, fall in love, and grow into amazing young adults.

“To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you means you’ve done your job. They are not ours to keep, but to teach to soar on their own.” - author unknown

Here are some of my favorite photos from last week!

Monday Musings 2-1-21

Today is my second son’s 23rd birthday. He is across the continent celebrating with his lovely girlfriend. We haven’t seen him in person in over a year, and that’s hard, but he is where he should be, doing what he should be doing. The pandemic has set his career plans back a bit, but I have no doubt he’ll be just fine when the world opens up again.

On each of the kids’ birthdays, I like to pull out their special baby photo albums and reminisce. Ray and I marveled after the birth of each one that, while they may have the same parents, they are so very unique. It’s been a wonder to watch them grow into adulthood.

Child number two is a writer. He’s the one whose opinion I seek when I’ve finished a new manuscript. His talent at identifying the plot hole, or character deficiency, or finding a simple solution to a tangle, makes him my go-to guy when I’m stuck in my own writing. With his mellow personality, you’d never suspect that he also brings down the house with his stand-up comedy routines. I think because he is an keen observer of people as well as an amazing storyteller, he resonates well with an audience. His creativity is boundless, and even as a child, his keen intelligence was obvious. As he grew into adulthood, his good humor, steady personality, and kindness matured along with him.

As with all my kids, I am proud they are following their dreams and doing amazing things, but mostly I am so proud of the people they are - compassionate, thoughtful, responsible. As different as they are from each other, they all share these qualities. Happy birthday, Noah! We love and miss you.

In other news….

Save the date! I’ll be presenting at Boskone this year, February 12-14, 2021. Join me online for this fantastic science fiction and fantasy convention. It's going to be a great weekend filled with discussions of books, science, art, games, music, and more. Visit the Boskone website: http://www.boskone.org/ to register.

Monday Musings 7-6-20

Today is my birthday. It’s the year before a really big one, so naturally I’ve been reflecting a lot about this past decade…

I ushered in my 40s by summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro with my sister and two close friends on my birthday nine years ago. At the time, I could feel my life changing around me. Instead of trying to hang on to something that was out of my control anyway, I chose instead to embrace the potential for something new. My children were growing up, some moving out. I loved my career, but it had chosen me, not the other way around. I found myself wondering what my choice would be if I could make a different one. I needed space to clear out my head. I wanted to connect deeply to the world around me, and to be utterly disconnected at the same time. So, I climbed. It was hard, really hard, and it was also breathtakingly beautiful - a metaphor for life I guess. I didn’t return with any earth-shattering revelations, but I did return with a deep sense of accomplishment and inner peace. A few weeks later, I wrote my very first blog post, which a travel and climbing magazine published - a sign of things to come!

As I wind down this decade, more change is in the air. My body feels age in a different way. All but one of my kids is an adult, and she’s right on the cusp. I’ve had to let go of some things permanently, like ever returning to medical school. Some ships have sailed, and that’s okay, because letting them go made space for other things. I’ve rediscovered my inner artist, and she’s building a satisfying career. My husband and I never really had a chance to enjoy being a couple before we had children, and we have that now. I have deep, meaningful friendships.

As I contemplate the next decade, sure there’s some fear. I think it comes with facing our own mortality in a much more concrete way. But I’m also looking forward to it. I have always lived fully, throwing myself whole-heartedly into my work, my family, the experiences presented to me, and I have no intention of showing up in the world any other way.

“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be LIVED. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically LIVED.” ― Mandy Hale

Monday Musings 6-15-20

This week, my third son will turn eighteen. Having a relatively large family, our kids are a study in nature vs. nurture. Each of them are similar in many ways, and yet so very different. Watching them grow into young adults, discover their talents, and become independent, thoughtful, creative human beings has been an honor and pleasure.

This particular almost-adult of ours is kind and nurturing. We sometimes call him the baby whisperer because little kids and baby animals adore him, and the feeling is mutual. He’s the kid who notices when I need help - not with household chores necessarily, and don’t get me started on his messy room, but he’s there for the things that matter. “Momma I’ve got your back” is a line he uses regularly, and he does.

He’s a kid with a kind heart. In fact, kindness is his super-power. In eighth grade, he was paired with a first grade reading buddy for the school year. At the middle-school graduation, his “buddy” was in tears. RJ invited him on stage and held him on his lap for the whole ceremony, becoming this boy’s beloved babysitter for years afterward.

RJ was and still is a good athlete. I remember a particular baseball game just after he’d been bumped up to the next level of play early one Little League season. A boy from his old team, who had just finished a game on the adjacent field, noticed RJ. He excitedly relayed to his dad that, “RJ was a big guy and had gotten the call.” This little boy was chubby and short, wearing glasses as big as his face, and seemingly uncomfortable in his own skin. His sweet dad ruffled his hair and said, “You’re gonna be a big guy someday too. Want to watch RJ for a little while?” They did. At the end of the inning, RJ caught sight of this little boy and came right to the fence to greet him. “It means a lot that you came to watch me play. Thanks so much, buddy.” That little guy’s smile lit up the bleachers.

A neighbor once said she’d heard I had the kindest kids in the neighborhood, and after meeting RJ, she agreed this was so. It’s no small thing to be kind in this world, and kindness with the courage to act is even more special. Our boy shows us this with his beautiful soul. Happy eighteenth birthday RJ!

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.” - Kahlil Gibran

Monday Musings 3-23-20

Yesterday was my youngest child’s 16th birthday. She would have been celebrating with her jazz band on a school trip abroad during spring break. Instead we ordered slices of cake from a local restaurant via DoorDash, sang to her, and watched a movie together. Our lovely neighbor dropped off homemade biscotti and chatted with her from across the front lawn. Two of her brothers (one in the Navy and one sheltering in place in California), her grandparents, and my sister’s family all face-timed with her. I think she felt loved.

As young parents with a tribe of kids, my husband and I had to choose early on which things were truly important to teach our children and model for our family. We decided that kindness and personal accountability were those essential things. Watching all four of my children meet this unprecedented challenge, I see them behaving with those qualities.

My daughter is gracious and appreciative. She’s resilient and adaptable. She’s kind, generous, and thoughtful. Not for a moment has she complained. Instead, she’s thinking about how we can help each other in these strange and scary times. I admire her peace, equanimity, and youthful positivity. On her birthday, I consciously focused all my mental energy on appreciating how blessed I am to be her mom. And you know what? Last night, I slept solidly through the night for the first time in a while. Happy birthday, my sweet girl.

Monday Musings 12-23-19

I’m writing this from my hotel room in Folsom, CA, where we’ll be spending Christmas at my sister’s house. This is the first Christmas in 26 years that we won’t be in our own home for the holiday. When my kids were little, that was my one uncompromising requirement - they would wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning and celebrate in our home. We’d travel for other holidays sometimes, but Christmas was non-negotiable. We’d host anyone who wanted to come, and for all these years, they did.

Well, the kids are all mostly grown-up now, and they’ve had a childhood full of Christmas memories, just as I’d hoped. With my sister and two of my boys now living on the west coast, it felt like the right time to try something different.

Last night, my husband and I sat at the hotel bar with all the kids and laughed for nearly the entire time, until they basically closed the place up around us. As parents, we often look back and think about what we could have done differently, how we may have handled something better, how we might have failed our kids in some way or another. But last night, sitting together watching the love my kids have for one another, I am sure we did something very right.

Wishing you and your family love and joy this holiday season.

Monday Musings 7-22-19

I found a picture recently that my husband took of me and our four kids when they were little. We’re piled on the bed with our new kitten. For perspective, my kids are now 26, 21, 17, and 15, and that kitty is 9 years old. I remember that particular moment, and I remember my kids being little like it was yesterday. Cliched I know, but true.

Last winter, Ray and I took a walk through our neighborhood one morning after a snowstorm. School was cancelled for our teenagers so they were in bed, and probably wouldn’t make an appearance until noon. As we wandered the empty streets, bleary eyed parents chased bundled up kids through the fresh snow. Those parents looked tired and frazzled, and we got teary-eyed. I don’t want to go back to an earlier point in my life. I’m really happy with where I am now. We’ve worked hard to get here. But with every birthday that comes and goes, I truly feel the passage of time.

When my kids saw this same picture, they made comments like how much they missed being all together now that two have moved out permanently. They feel it too, this change over time. I don’t think they necessarily want to go back either, but remembering helps us appreciate the sweetness and the ephemeral quality of those moments. Maybe remembering also helps us live more fully in the here and now.

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” - Sharon Salzberg