Today is my birthday. It’s the year before a really big one, so naturally I’ve been reflecting a lot about this past decade…
I ushered in my 40s by summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro with my sister and two close friends on my birthday nine years ago. At the time, I could feel my life changing around me. Instead of trying to hang on to something that was out of my control anyway, I chose instead to embrace the potential for something new. My children were growing up, some moving out. I loved my career, but it had chosen me, not the other way around. I found myself wondering what my choice would be if I could make a different one. I needed space to clear out my head. I wanted to connect deeply to the world around me, and to be utterly disconnected at the same time. So, I climbed. It was hard, really hard, and it was also breathtakingly beautiful - a metaphor for life I guess. I didn’t return with any earth-shattering revelations, but I did return with a deep sense of accomplishment and inner peace. A few weeks later, I wrote my very first blog post, which a travel and climbing magazine published - a sign of things to come!
As I wind down this decade, more change is in the air. My body feels age in a different way. All but one of my kids is an adult, and she’s right on the cusp. I’ve had to let go of some things permanently, like ever returning to medical school. Some ships have sailed, and that’s okay, because letting them go made space for other things. I’ve rediscovered my inner artist, and she’s building a satisfying career. My husband and I never really had a chance to enjoy being a couple before we had children, and we have that now. I have deep, meaningful friendships.
As I contemplate the next decade, sure there’s some fear. I think it comes with facing our own mortality in a much more concrete way. But I’m also looking forward to it. I have always lived fully, throwing myself whole-heartedly into my work, my family, the experiences presented to me, and I have no intention of showing up in the world any other way.
“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be LIVED. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically LIVED.” ― Mandy Hale