Monday Musings 5-25-20

Summer is just around the corner, and if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know it’s my favorite time of year. I look forward to concerts, book events, Comic Cons, beach trips, and travel to see my older kids and sister. This year, none of that is happening. Of course, I’m disappointed and sad, mostly that I won’t get to be with my family in person, but I get that it’s what we have to do.

My husband and I have always said we should stick close to home in the summer because it’s the best time to be here, and yet we end up traveling for most of it. Well, here’s our chance! So, instead of dwelling on what I can’t do, I’m making a conscious effort to reframe my perspective and enjoy what I can do.

Summer in our home state is gorgeous, and we have a pretty awesome backyard setup, complete with pool, patio, and fire pit. We can gather here with our small group and be together. We can appreciate the sunshine and slower pace of summer. We can walk our neighborhood and sit on the porch with a glass (or bottle) of wine. We can recognize and appreciate our health. We can plant a garden. We take a deep breath. We can laugh and swim and have dinner on the deck. We can love one another. It’s enough.

“It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.” - Sheryl Crow, Soak up the Sun

Monday Musing 5-18-20

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I often get focused on a particular word, either because it’s literary sounding and interesting, or because I can reflect on its deeper meaning. This week, the word is resilience.

In my role as Board President for an independent school, I’m working on a Covid-19 response plan to be ready to safely open our school as soon as possible, and to create contingency plans for the various scenarios we may have to face in this strange new world. In the course of this work, I’ve been privileged to communicate and collaborate with heads of school all over the world. Their innovative thinking, devotion to the health and safety of the children, and thoughtful approach is inspiring and gives me confidence that we will find a way through this world-altering event.

Every one of the educators I’ve spoken with - who are either working with distance learning plans, or, in the case of the European schools, trying to bring children back to campus - have said how resilient the students have been. My colleagues have shown exceptional resiliency and dedication. I see this resiliency in my own children, in the way they have found joy, camaraderie, and innovation in maintaining relationships, supporting their friends, and tackling their school work. I’ve found this resiliency in my group of friends and in my creative community.

Nothing is as it was, and it may not be for a while. But, I am encouraged when I’m able to usefully participate in finding a new path forward. We humans are resilient creatures, we’re creative, and we still have each other to rely on.

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good.” ― Elizabeth Edwards

Monday Musings 5-11-20

This weekend I’ll be participating in the Writer’s Digest Annual Science Fiction and Fantasy Virtual Conference. My topic is on character development. Usually, before I pull together the PowerPoint presentation or develop a panel topic, I write several articles and take a deep dive into the research. This topic is particularly fun and interesting for me because I’m almost always looking at the world through a writer’s lens. I find myself thinking that everyone has a story. Their unique story informs their character development, and in turn their quality of character helps write their story.

It’s interesting to think about the nature vs. nurture debate when considering personality and character. What innate traits drive us toward our chosen careers? How deeply do childhood experiences impact our day to day decisions? But one of the most revealing questions I ask when developing my cast of characters is - what do they fear? The answer to that question is revealing. Perhaps a childhood fear, like never having enough to eat, informs a person’s drive to become an aid worker, or perhaps instead it drives them to steal. Perhaps an experience of being bullied in school influences the choice to become a teacher, or perhaps it causes them to lash out violently.

As I explore this idea for my presentation, I am watching it play out in the world. Fear is everywhere, and understandably so. Our fears run the gamut from worry that we can’t pay the bills to panic that someone we love will get sick and die. This fear can push us to say or do things we wouldn’t ordinarily, for good or for bad. Some of us lash out when we’re afraid. Some become paralyzed. But many accept that fear is part of the human experience, push onward, and try to do their very best to take care of themselves and each other.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
— Nelson Mandela

Monday Musings 5-4-20

Being a writer, I sometimes fixate on a particular word that I find interesting, useful, or simply nice to look at. These last few weeks, my word of choice is equanimity. The definition reads: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As May begins and we are now months into this unprecedented global pandemic with all its horrid side-effects, I find I’m constantly striving for equanimity.

There are times when it’s easy to maintain balance and inner peace, and times when it is much, much harder. In the midst of grief or stress or, say, a global pandemic, it may take all our mental energy just to make it through the day. While we may not be in a state of equanimity right now, we do have tools in our kit to help us realign. I’ve been doing simple, small things like a short yoga practice in the morning, an afternoon walk around the neighborhood, a cup of tea on my porch. Some days, I feel really good. Other days, not so much.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that my mental health needs care and attention just like my physical health. As I strive for equanimity, I recognize that it isn’t a goal as much as it is an ongoing activity.

“Equanimity is calamity’s medicine.” - Publilius Syrus

Monday Musings 4-27-20

I’ve used this space several times to talk about vulnerability. When I first started writing, and had to let other people read my stories, I was nervous. What if I really had no talent at all? Was I kidding myself? Did I have the resilience and mental fortitude to manage the criticism and constant rejection that comes with the deal? Would I run out of ideas?

Six years later, my science fiction series has won numerous awards, I manage a writer’s blog for a publishing house, I’m invited to speak on panels, podcasts, and webinars, I’m in the midst of publishing another series under a pen name, and I’m drafting my seventh novel. Progress. Validation. Proof that maybe I have the chops for this. And yet… that vulnerable feeling is never far away.

During this world crisis, many of us feel as vulnerable as we ever have in our lives. We might get sick. Someone we love might get sick. We might not have a job to go back to. There are so many things happening over which we have very little control - and they’re scary things. In order to weather this storm, we have to dig deep. We have to find a way to swim in the discomfort without drowning in it.

I’ve had to forge a new relationship with my feelings of vulnerability over the last several years. I recognize now that vulnerability is not weakness. I may feel exposed, but I do what I have to do anyway. I may feel afraid, but I put one foot in front of the other and move forward. I may have a day when I’m so mentally and physically exhausted that I throw in the towel, but the next day I try again. I’ve come to recognize that vulnerability and courage are two sides of the same coin.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” - Brene Brown

We don’t have to pretend to feel good when we don’t. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to feel vulnerable. We just have to keep showing up.

In other news, Writer’s Digest is hosting its annual Science Fiction and Fantasy Virtual Conference May 15-17. I’ll be doing a one-hour presentation on character development. If you are an aspiring writing, this conference offers a lot of bang for the buck, and you can participate from the comfort of your home in your Star Wars pajamas if you’d like!

Monday Musings 4-20-20

One of my favorite things about the writer’s life, besides the storytelling part, is meeting readers. I’ve had the opportunity to sign books, serve on panels, guest teach, and make friends all over the country. A couple of years ago, I was signing books at the Big E, a huge multi-state fair in Massachusetts. It may sound like a strange place for a book signing, but our writer’s association had a small corner in our state’s building aptly named ‘the book nook’ where one author per day could set up. Turns out, it was a fantastic day. I sold out my inventory, ran into some old friends, and met people I still keep in touch with today.

One group included high school seniors and their FFA sponsor from a rural town in Delaware who were at the fair showing their livestock. I chatted with the kids, and the teacher bought my book. She gave it to the school’s librarian who got in touch with me months later and invited me to come to Delaware for some book events. I spent several days guest teaching in the English department at the high school, being interviewed by the school media department, spending time with the kids in small groups to chat about the writing process, and signing books at local town library events.

I still have a special relationship with that school and small town, and I try to go back every year for various events. This year, I likely won’t make it, but my librarian friend asked if the kids could send me some questions and I could answer them with various articles he’d share. The first thing they wanted to know was how I’ve been utilizing my time in quarantine, and how I’m making sense of what’s happening in the world. Am I more or less productive? Are the words flowing or am I stuck?

Here’s how I answered…

Most of us on planet Earth have had to simplify and take refuge in our homes. Our regular lives are on hold, and many of the things that used to fill our days are off limits. We’re living in one prolonged moment of pause. This extra time could present us artistic types with an opportunity – an opportunity to focus on creative things if we are so inclined. But, is that what’s really happening?

I have many writer friends, and we actually talk a lot about this. We all feel like we should be super productive. After all, Isaac Newton invented calculus while in quarantine during the Great Plague of London. If he could accomplish something so monumental, we should at least be able to crank out a few thousand extra words. But, that’s not how it is. At least, not every day.

This quarantine isn’t like attending a writer’s retreat, where we’ve purposely cleared our calendars and removed ourselves to some peaceful cabin on a lake in order to get our creative juices flowing or finish up that manuscript on deadline. Nope. We are at home, worried about our families, our finances, about the possibility of getting sick.

One of the things I’m struggling with personally is the feeling that I can’t be helpful. Years ago, I was an EMT, and I worked as a first responder in the field and in a hospital ER. Later I worked in education. If I were still doing either, I think I’d feel more useful. But even on a simpler scale, I can’t watch my neighbor’s kids for a couple of hours so she can get some work done. I can’t do a friend’s laundry who isn’t feeling well. I can’t bring over a bottle of wine and visit with a friend who’s struggling. I can’t do many of the usual things I normally would to support my friends and neighbors in a time of crisis. And we’re all in crisis, make no mistake. The world is suffering, and we don’t know what it will look like when we emerge on the other side.   

So, even though I have extra time, I’m not always in the frame of mind to use it.

Here’s what I am trying to do. I’m trying to find some sort of balance between setting a schedule that will accomplish something, and being gentle with myself. I don’t want to tip too far into non-functional, because that’s a hard pit to crawl out of. It’s easy to spiral into my own head, or circle the drain, as I like to call it, when I don’t have access to the things that keep my head in a good space. For me, most of those things are socially driven. I’m giving myself permission to breathe through the bad days guilt free. But, I’m also coaxing myself to set modest fitness, mental health, and work goals. They are watered down compared to the ones I had in pre-Covid days, but they still encourage forward progress.

Mostly, I try to remember that I can choose to feel gratitude for what I have. I am grateful for my family, for my home, for simple things like a sunny day and my cat purring on my pillow, for getting words - any words - onto a piece of paper. This is a strange and scary time for us all. I don’t think we should put pressure on ourselves, but at the same time, we will emerge from our cocoons and reenter the light at some point, so we don’t want to lose ourselves in the dark.

Monday Musings 4-13-20

During these strange and sometimes scary days, it’s easy to think about all we are missing, all that we’ve lost or stand to lose. For families with sick loved ones, this time is particularly awful. For parents trying to work, homeschool their children, and maintain their own mental health, this is an exhausting, frustrating time. For people worried about jobs or finances, the stress is huge. In no way do I want to belittle that reality.

And yet, I truly believe the only thing I can control is my response to what’s happening. So, today, I’m choosing to respond to this situation with gratitude.

I am grateful to be in a warm home with plenty to eat. I am grateful to be sheltering in place with my husband, who is also my best friend. I am grateful that my family is safe and healthy. I am grateful that this morning I got to practice yoga wearing my Star Wars pajamas. I am grateful to have friends I can stay connected with through the overworked internet. I am grateful to have a neighbor I adore with whom I can swap desserts, cookies, and bottles of wine. I am grateful that I can talk to my mom and dad every day. I am grateful I can see my older kids’ faces and talk to them from across the continent. I am grateful that my younger children are thoughtful, kind human beings who make it easy to be with them all day, every day. I am grateful that I can still do my work. I am grateful for my animals. Really, who is worthy of the unconditional love they offer? I am grateful for the opportunity to recognize what’s truly important in my life.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” – Anonymous

Monday Musings 4-6-20

I think a lot about what might be different when we emerge from our forced isolation. I fear many things will be lost, and precious lives top that list. But I also hope some things will be changed for the better. I hope we’ll emerge more patient, more appreciative of the small things, more focused on what really matters. I hope we’ll make choices thoughtfully, and consider how our choices impact those around us. I hope we’ll help support the most vulnerable members of our community. I hope we’ll take better care of our environment. I hope we’ll continue to live simply. I hope we’ll learn to better recognize the difference between our needs and our wants. And, I hope we’ll stand outside in the sun and realize that every day is a gift.

“The more often we see the things around us - even the beautiful and wonderful things - the more they become invisible to us. That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds - even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less.” - Joseph B. Wirthlin

On another note, my alter-ego, Maggie Clare, has a book coming out tomorrow! Sing for Me is the first book in a romantic suspense series I’m publishing under a pen name. If you need a temporary escape, follow the link and have a read! Sing for Me by Maggie Clare

If the romance genre isn’t your jam, no worries. I’m hard at work on a dark urban fantasy featuring a female assassin. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. Stay safe and healthy.

Monday Musings 3-30-20

Birthday season continues in our house! Today is my oldest son’s 27th birthday. All my kids are special, of course, but this one made me a mother. I still remember feeling both overwhelming love and abject terror when I held him for the first time. There is no other moment like it in the world.

This child of mine is sensitive, strong, thoughtful, kind, and responsible. He sometimes worries that he hasn’t figured out his life yet, which has prompted some great conversations between us over the years. We talk a lot about the right balance between planning for the future and living in the moment.

The current world crisis has challenged us to think about this idea very consciously. We’re living in one prolonged moment of pause, while at the same time, we’re trying to envision an uncertain future. We’ve had to simplify our lives, take refuge in our homes, and try to quiet our minds amidst the chaos. When we eventually emerge on the other side, things will have changed in ways none of us can predict. There will be loss. There will be opportunity.

This pandemic will be a defining moment in our lives and in the lives of our children. But I think the next generation will meet the challenges with resiliency, flexible thinking, and earnestness. I trust that they will adapt, and I believe they will make the world better, not worse. My own kids have given me this faith.

Happy birthday, Nick. I’m so proud to be your mom.

Monday Musings 3-23-20

Yesterday was my youngest child’s 16th birthday. She would have been celebrating with her jazz band on a school trip abroad during spring break. Instead we ordered slices of cake from a local restaurant via DoorDash, sang to her, and watched a movie together. Our lovely neighbor dropped off homemade biscotti and chatted with her from across the front lawn. Two of her brothers (one in the Navy and one sheltering in place in California), her grandparents, and my sister’s family all face-timed with her. I think she felt loved.

As young parents with a tribe of kids, my husband and I had to choose early on which things were truly important to teach our children and model for our family. We decided that kindness and personal accountability were those essential things. Watching all four of my children meet this unprecedented challenge, I see them behaving with those qualities.

My daughter is gracious and appreciative. She’s resilient and adaptable. She’s kind, generous, and thoughtful. Not for a moment has she complained. Instead, she’s thinking about how we can help each other in these strange and scary times. I admire her peace, equanimity, and youthful positivity. On her birthday, I consciously focused all my mental energy on appreciating how blessed I am to be her mom. And you know what? Last night, I slept solidly through the night for the first time in a while. Happy birthday, my sweet girl.

Monday Musings 3-16-20

So much has changed in a week. The world feels unfamiliar and scary, and the very things we used to do to comfort each other are now the very things that may put ourselves or our neighbors in danger - personal contact, community gatherings, neighborly visits.

Several years ago, post 911, I wrote an article based on a reflective question that had been posed to my senior class at the Jesuit college I attended. How, then, shall we live? As we navigate this strange new world, I find myself thinking about it once again. It is a question for all ages, as relevant now as it was twenty, fifty, a hundred years ago. How then shall we live in the midst of a global crisis? How then shall we live when the future is uncertain and potentially unrecognizable? How then shall we live when we know that the most vulnerable members of our community will be suffering?

There are no easy answers, partly because we can’t foresee all the possible questions and repercussions yet. So, I’m left with some basic principles on which I try to base both my inner mindset and my outward behavior.

Live simply so others may simply live. I can’t remember where I first heard this little gem, but it feels so relevant right now. If we use what we need, but not more, there will be enough.

Fear is toxic. It’s so easy to become swept up in the chaos, to imagine worst case scenarios, but fear will not positively impact outcome.

This moment is all we are guaranteed. When the future is so murky, we are forced to live in the here and now. We can appreciate a walk with the dog, a dinner with our family, the sunrise over the water.

As we navigate this challenging new world, which may redefine our normal, can we consciously imagine how, then, we shall live?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi

Monday Musings 3-9-20

I’m currently at work on a new novel. I’m at the point where the shine has worn off, and I have to dig in and do the work. I love writing, but even this beloved career feels like a job sometimes. There are good days and bad. Days where I feel terrific about the words on the page, and days I feel like I have no business sitting in front of a keyboard. There are days I feel good - physically and emotionally, and days I feel like crap.

As with so many things in life, I have to make a decision to stick with my work regardless of how I am feeling in the moment. But, I also believe in listening to my gut and my heart. When something feels off, even if I can’t pin it down, I pay attention.

So, how do we decide when we should stick with something - because nothing feels good all the time, or make a change - because we are really on the wrong path? Outside factors play a part of course. We may have made a commitment, have a responsibility to someone else, or simply have no choice in the moment. But when we do have a choice, when we are able choose this path or that one, this project or that one, how do we make a healthy decision? Here are some things I consider…

I don’t make decisions on impulse. Emotions shift. Feelings change. I’ll sleep on it before deciding to take on something new or making any big changes.

I’ll evaluate my mental and physical health. There’s a difference between struggling with something worthwhile and sticking with a situation or relationship that’s become toxic. I need to be honest about which is which and act accordingly.

I consider the long game. No career is build overnight. No skill is learned without putting in the time. If what I’m doing is interesting, satisfying, and is in alignment with my own strengths, I’ll stick with it.

I can make a course correction. Maybe not immediately, but at some point I will have the ability to point my ship in a different direction. Once I internalized this idea, I could consider decisions that didn’t work out the way I intended lessons instead of mistakes.

“We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.” —Stephen Covey

Monday Musings 3-2-20

Most days I am not a worrier. It’s my nature to look on the bright side, to see potential in most situations, to act first with openness, and to not assume things will go badly. But some days, its hard, even for me. The world is a complex, often worrisome place. If I’m not swept up in the outside chaos, I have kids, a husband, friends, all of whom I love, and love makes us vulnerable to worry.

I think the counter measure for allowing worry to hold us hostage is to be present in the moment. It’s easy to stay in the moment, appreciate the little things, show up as a good friend, etc. when things are going well. But, add stress, illness, or, oh, the threat of a global pandemic, and suddenly all the platitudes we recite on our yoga mats can feel hollow if we haven’t really internalized them.

When I’m gripped with worry, or its nastier sibling, fear, I remind myself of these three simple things…

My first gesture anywhere, anytime can always be one of kindness.

Self-care is important during times of stress.

Worry does not influence outcome.

We’re human. We worry. But, that worry doesn’t have to take up permanent residence in our psyche.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” - Corrie Ten Boom

Monday Musings 2-24-20

Anyone who knows me is aware that cold weather is not my favorite. I‘m a sunshine loving, beach going, hot yoga (emphasis on hot) practicing gal. Years ago, when I worked in education, one of my favorite parts of the day was greeting the children outside in the morning and welcoming them to school. Of course, this meant standing outside, for the better part of an hour, in all kinds of weather, including the bitter cold. I’d wake up on those chilly mornings feeling less than enthusiastic and frankly a little grumpy. Then, I read an article about scientists who worked in the arctic, and just how many calories they had to consume in a day to keep their body temperatures normalized. Apparently, the human body burns more calories in the cold! This was life-changing! Or at least, it was what I call frame-shifting.

After this revelation, every time I went outside in the cold to greet the children, or hike with my girlfriends, or even grocery shop, I thought, well, this calorie burning effort has surely earned me an extra cocktail. Frame-shift!

My example may be somewhat silly, but I’ve applied this idea to other things in my life, and it really does work. Not all the time, and not for all of life’s unpleasantries of course, but enough that I try to regularly employ it when I need an attitude adjustment.

“Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.” — Harvey Mackay

In other news…

I’ll be at Richmond Galaxy Con with the Bard’s Tower crew signing books all weekend. If you’re in the area, come say hello!

Monday Musings 2-17-20

I spent the weekend at Boskone, the oldest science fiction and fantasy convention in New England. I love, love, love events like this one. I get to meet fellow fans of the genre, hang out with talented writers and artists, and share my own experience on panels and in workshops. I’ve met folks who’ve become friends, fans, and mentors, and I always learn something new.

At some point or another, I’m usually asked to share my most valuable piece of writing advice. I tell folks that the right advice resonates at the right time. The information I needed several years ago as baby writer is different than the mentoring I look for now as an author who has produced a body of work.

But, when put on the spot, I come back to this little gem - finish something. A half-finished manuscript will never become a book. Further, even if that finished manuscript never gets published, there’s great value in understanding the process of writing it and of seeing it through to completion. There’s great value in learning to write through the sticky middle, to keep at it when the shine has worn off, to understand how to end well.

This bit of wisdom transcends writing. Finish the season. Finishing the degree. Finish the race. Sometimes winning, publishing, or making the Dean’s List isn’t the point - it’s the fact that we got through and learned something valuable along the way. We made it through something challenging. We accomplished something. And now we know we can.

Monday Musings 2-10-20

The other day I was chatting with an artist friend who is running her own business. We talked about the dual character of art and industry, and the sometimes-frustrating nature of trying to make a living off of our work. We acknowledged that more of our success depends on factors outside our control than say a data entry specialist. People have to choose to buy our work, and then they have to like it to ever want to buy more. And that’s only if we’ve gotten our work to market in the first place.

With that in mind, how do artists stay the course? How do we face rejection, bad reviews, lack of sales, and the annoying commentary from family and friends who lament that they too could write a book if only they had time? Good humor helps. But beyond that, I have a few thoughts to share…

I stay true to my passion.

I’ve committed to writing what I love and what I’m good at. For example, YA is hot right now. I love reading YA, but I have no interest in writing it. Would it be a good sales strategy to add some YA to my repertoire? Maybe. But maybe not, because it’s really not my thing, and as a writer, and I have no passion for it. I stick with what I love to write and try to become the best at that.

I’m realistic.

My income from writing doesn’t pay the bills. I’m blessed to be able to do this work full-time because of a supportive spouse and a savings account. Artistic success rarely happens overnight. I have a friend who’s been on the NY Times best-seller list for more than two years straight. She’s been asked about her “overnight” success and laughs at the question. She was in her mid-forties before her first book was published, and by then she had a bunch of previous manuscripts collecting dust in drawers. Being good at something takes time.

I recognize the things I can control.

I’ve internalized the idea that some of my success requires participation from other parties. Therefore, I focus on the things over which I do have control. Attending to those things makes the whole process much less frustrating. I can control my own professional behavior, my commitment to craft, and my understanding of the industry in which I work.

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”– Earl Nightingale

Monday Musings 2-3-20

Usually, I like Mondays. To me, the start of the week feels full of potential. But, I have to admit, Monday mornings in February feel particularly Mondayish, if you know what I mean. The shine of the new year is wearing off, and the enthusiasm for sticking with the goals I’ve set and the projects I have to complete is waning slightly. This is the time for digging in, when I have to call on my will power and good habits to stay the course.

I realize during the dark days of mid-winter just how important healthy habits are to my productivity and well-being. The first, and probably most important habit, is my time management system. I’ve written before about my admittedly OCD method of structuring my days and weeks, but it becomes particularly important that I stick with it when I least feel like it. When I’m feeling uninspired and lethargic, I have a structure in place that keeps me moving forward. Here’s an article I wrote for Inkitt on the subject that you may find useful: 5 Tips for Time Management: A Busy Writer’s Guide.

In case you don’t want to read the whole article, here’s the ‘CliffsNotes’ version:

1. Use a calendar! Start with broad strokes. Define your goals and major deadlines, and then back into the details.

2. Structure your work life to honor your personal rhythms.

3. Leave space for the unexpected. Equally as important, know when to say no.

4. Use the tools available to increase efficiency.

5. Schedule downtime and time for self-care. Put this on the calendar.

This time of year I also try not to over-schedule myself. I know in the fall, I have seemingly boundless energy and enthusiasm, but winter, not so much. I can’t go on a three-month vacation or hide out on a tropical island (those darn books won’t write themselves!), but I can be realistic about how much I can manage.

While most of my tips focus on the writer’s life, the basic principles worked for me when I was managing a whole different career, and when all the kids were little and my day-to-day looked very different. Maybe you’ll find something useful as you navigate February?

Upcoming Events:

Boskone

February 14-16 - New England’s longest running science-fiction convention!

My panel schedule…

Pacing the Novel

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 11:00 - 11:50, Marina 4 (Westin)

It’s crucial to the feel of the novel, but one of the least discussed aspects of fiction. How do you intensify a scene, bringing the reader deep into the narrative — yet still keep the novel moving along? Panelists share techniques for balancing intensity and movement within their work.

Genetic Engineering in SF

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 14:00 - 14:50, Burroughs (Westin)

We have developed the ability to modify and change the genes in plants, animals, and creatures that fall into neither category. To some degree, we have the power to play god, but what are the possible consequences? What is actually possible versus probable? Can we create new species? Can we solve health care problems before conception? Can we grow non-sentient meat like we grow corn? Can we modify humanity to withstand climate change? If the science were only possible, what changes might we make to create a better future for mankind?

Troubleshooting Troublesome Manuscripts

Format: Panel

15 Feb 2020, Saturday 15:00 - 15:50, Marina 2 (Westin)

Our intrepid authors come together to share tips and tricks for tackling the most notorious issues that arise when writing and editing their work. Find out how to fix hidden plot holes, dangling loose ends, and the endings that just won't end!

Evolution of Greek Mythology in Contemporary Fantasy

Format: Panel
15 Feb 2020, Saturday 17:00 - 17:50, Marina 4 (Westin)

Some of the first, and most memorable, fantasy stories were born far in the past in a picturesque land bordered by the Ionian, the Aegean, and the Mediterranean Seas. How have these Greek tales filtered down through the ages, leaving their marks upon the annals of literature, and where can we still see the traces of their influence (if not their direct effect) upon modern fantasy and science fiction?

Kaffeeklatsch: Tabitha Lord

Format: Kaffeeklatsch
16 Feb 2020, Sunday 11:00 - 11:50, Galleria - Kaffeeklatsch 1 (Westin)

RICHMOND GALAXY CON

February 28- March 1

I’ll be signing and selling books all weekend at the Bard’s Tower booth.

Monday Musings 1-27-20

My son came home yesterday afternoon shocked and saddened, as I’m sure many of us were by the news yesterday. He asked me why he felt so bad over the loss of someone he didn’t know, someone famous certainly, but a stranger. Here are some thoughts I shared with him.

It’s okay to mourn. They touched our lives, whether because of their artistic talent, their humanitarianism, their leadership qualities, or yes their athletic prowess. They represented an ideal - one that says commitment to excellence matters. They gave us something to strive for, something to admire, or something to simply enjoy. We welcomed them into our hearts and homes. We cheered for them, sang their songs, watched their movies, or admired their passion. And now they are gone, and it hurts.

Does it hurt more than a close personal loss? Of course not. Are these celebrity lives worth more than any other? Of course not. Can we still feel shocked and sad? Of course we can.

When we feel empathy for another family’s tragedy, we do so not only because we can imagine being in their shoes, but because we truly feel sorrow for them. Our ability to hold another’s grief, to walk beside someone in pain, even if it’s from afar or only in our hearts, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful things about being human.

Compassion, empathy, love. They’re what will save us in the end.

“Empathy is a tool for building people into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self-obsessed individuals.” - Neil Gaiman

Monday Musings 1-20-20

Winter is in full swing, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know how I feel about winter! I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t the cold so much as the darkness that brings me down after a while. But regardless, I live in the northeast, so this is part of life.

If you, like me, have to work hard to keep your energy up and your outlook positive during the winter months, remember to take good care of yourself. When it’s dark and cold, my tendency is to let things go that I probably shouldn’t in the self-care department. I don’t feel like working out when it’s still dark in the morning. I want hot chocolate and comfort food pretty much all the time. Sweat pants and a baseball hat seems like a fine wardrobe choice. Instead of fighting these tendencies, I try to incorporate them in a healthy, balanced way. Here are some other things I do:

Get more sleep. I need it and the longer nights promote it. I pretend I'm hibernating. 

Make my work space more pleasant. Candles and twinkle lights. Seriously. They make the darkness, which lasts so much longer now, feel cozy.

More yoga. It's great exercise, I practice with a group, and it's hot. Did I mention it's hot?

Outdoor time. It takes more effort, layers, and proper footwear, but when I take my dog for a hike, or even a walk around the neighborhood, I'm in a better mood afterwards.

Your methods may not be mine, but you get the idea. How can you take care of yourself during the times you feel like it the least?

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” — Audre Lorde

Monday Musings 1-13-20

When we were celebrating the holidays with my sister and family in Folsom this year, we joined them for a Christmas Eve service. The sermon was laugh out loud funny, poignant, and insightful. The priest said his favorite line from the Christmas story was when the angel instructed Joseph to “fear not.” He talked about all the things he feared, including, ironically, public speaking, and he shared how comforting and inspiring this one little line was for him.

At the start of every new year, I feel an exciting sense of potential. Time stretches out before me - time to fulfill the intentions and goals I’ve set for myself, time to spend with my family, time to travel. But, as I grow older, I also feel a twinge of fear. Disaster, tragedy, illness can sneak up out of nowhere. I’ve been around long enough to see it happen. Could this be the year something pulls the rug out from under me? Maybe.

I’m not a deeply religious person. I don’t like the saying “everything happens for a reason.” I think it’s simplistic, and to be honest, sounds really callous to someone who is suffering. But I do believe that in the midst of our life experiences, when fear makes an appearance, we can choose to be present, choose love, choose hope.

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”
— William Allen White