My high school son got a pretty nasty concussion on the football field about a month ago. Recovery’s been steady but slow, and it shook us all up a bit. He’s now had two concussions, a torn ACL, and an ankle injury in four years. He’s decided that he’s played his last football game. It was a painful decision because he loves the sport and is a solid player, but it isn’t worth the toll on his health.
When I was young mom, I went to medical school. It took a lot of work just to get in. I wasn’t pre-med as an undergrad, so I spent two additional years prepping for the MCATs, taking the math and science classes I needed, and getting my application in order. The hard work and commitment paid off and I was accepted into my top choice school. I loved it. But, I couldn’t seem to do anything well. I was an absent mom to my two little ones. I never saw my husband. I didn’t earn the grades I wanted because there never seemed to be enough time in the day. At the end of my first year, I opted to take a leave of absence, which turned into a withdrawal.
From my own experience, I’ve offered my son a few pieces of hard-earned wisdom on letting go.
First, it’s okay to mourn what might have been.
I would have been a really good doctor, and I would have loved to devote my life to healing. It took a long time for me to let go of that vision for myself. For years, every September when school started, I’d have a longing to return. Every time I stepped foot in an ER, I still pictured myself there. It hurts to let go of a dream we've had for ourselves, and that’s okay. But…
Letting go makes space for something new if we let it.
My decision to leave medical school made space in our family for two more children, and I can’t imagine life without them - my concussed child is one of those kids! It made space for a fifteen year career in education, fulfilling and challenging work that also allowed me to be a hands-on mom. It made space for writing.
Sometimes we’re forced to let go. Sometimes we choose to. Either way, it’s a process that can be transformative if we allow it.
Upcoming Events:
Books and Beer! This Sunday 11/17, I ‘ll be at Canned Heat Brewery from 2-5 with authors Mike Squatrito, Heather Rigney, and Chris Paniccia. We’ll be watching football and signing books. There’s beer. Come and hang out with us for the afternoon!