Tomorrow is my youngest child’s 18th birthday. While I’ve said to all the kids many times that a number is just a number, and becoming an adult is a process, this particular date feels momentous nonetheless. Having had my first child at 21, a healthy chunk of my own adult life has been spent actively parenting. It’s been mostly a joy, sometimes a challenge, but always rewarding. Watching our kids discover their talents, become passionate about issues, develop meaningful relationships, and engage with the world is a pleasure.

As they move out of childhood and into the next phase of their lives, I have only a few things I wish for them.

First, I hope they enjoy loving, healthy relationships. I’ve given out dating advice over the years, which I think they’ve found valuable, and my two older boys are well on their way in this area. You can read my words of wisdom on this particular topic on my alter ego’s blog Dear Maggie.

Second, that they surround themselves with a supportive community. Friends hold us up during the rough patches and celebrate with us during the good times. Healthy friendships nourish the soul, and I am certainly grateful for mine.

Finally, I hope they find meaningful work. Work is work, even when it’s something we love, so we’ve encouraged them to choose a career that will hold their interest over time, and one in a field that plays to their talents and skills. I had a college professor who once suggested that we students should do what we love, for sure, but we should also do something we’re good at. I remember being slightly put off by this advice at first because it felt limiting, but it’s actually really wise. I love astronomy and I’ve seriously considered getting an advanced degree in physics, but I will never be that good in the hard sciences. It would always be a struggle, and in the end, I don’t think I’d be able to achieve as much as I’d like in the field. That kind of self-awareness can serve us well.

As parents, we can’t save our kids from all the hardships and challenges they’ll face on their life’s journey. We can only hope we’ve given them useful tools and good advice to navigate their own way. As our last child steps into adulthood, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction that she, like her brothers, is a kind, compassionate, accountable human being whose light shines brightly in the world.

Happy birthday, Kyra. It is an honor and joy to be your mom.